Dear Fucking Assholes Playing Music Outside My Apartment,

Dear Fucking Assholes Playing Music Outside My Apartment,

Congratulations. Your subwoofer is really effective. Yes, your stereo can play very loud music. You enjoy music with hot beats, maybe the hottest. I FUCKING GET IT. So why must you demonstrate the powers of your magic motor only on my street? Wouldn't you rather -- I mean, really guys can you just -- GODDAMNIT.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. Maybe you are scientists testing the effects of heavy bass on cancer cells. Or maybe you are just trying to pull plasma from blood to learn more about red blood cells. But must you study such fascinating material outside my apartment at 11:30 PM.

Okay, now you're definitely getting louder. I've left my living room for the recesses of my bedroom. And yes, every bass note of your music is shaking my room still.

So its my fault for staying in on a Friday night? I have good reason I swear! It's Conan's last night! Do you guys like Conan? Why don't you come in, turn your subwoofer off, and we'll all have a laugh and cry together?

Oh that's right. I'm terrified of you. And I hate your guts.

I seriously hope your subwoofer is so powerful it shakes the bolts off car and one day while you're driving your entire car falls apart like an old Bug Bunny cartoon. And then I'll bike by, giggle to myself, and ride away!

Yep. You guys are assholes and I'm scared of you. You win.

You fucking assholes.

-Josh