Saturday, July 31, 2010

My New Blog!

Today I googled myself, curious to see if there's anything that might be bad for me professionally. Then I realized I'm a fucking writer and if I need to contemplate what the benefits are of sleeping with a dancer who studies jazz in digital ink (lots and lots of jazz hands), SO BE IT.

In my exploration, I came across - and since there's only one me, I figure I've been sleepblogging. In my somnamublog life, I accomplish what I've been searching for my entire life: I FOUND JESUS!!!

There, I'm "just an average guy who needs Jesus" and have programmed a Bible search engine right into my page.

I'd argue that my dayblog is better, but this guy includes dynamic references in his writing. How can you trust anything dayJosh says?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Arcade Fire vs. Inception

With the latest Arcade Fire hit just around the corner, what's really left to say about the band? To me, their status was cemented by the Where the Wild Things Are trailer: okay, they're the voice of our generation. (But is that really the highest praise? According to the Nielsen numbers, Jersey Shore: Miami might be the voice of our generation, too...)

I digress. Truthfully, I really like (the?) Arcade Fire. This afternoon I went back to their first two albums, "Funeral" and "Neon Bible" - they hold up well - Funeral's still pretty awesome, Neon Bible's all right, but it has "(Antichrist Television Blues)" which is their second best song after "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" and overall I like the album.

So driving around LA, it occurred to me though that not only are ALMOST ALL of Arcade Fire's best songs about dreams, sleep, and memories (just to list a few - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels), Wake Up, Rebellion (Lies), In The Backseat, No Cars Go), but that Arcade Fire might be the best band in real life.

But is this real life?*

Win Butler vs. Dom Cobb (DiCaprio)
Dark, brooding, mysterious. But chill out, bra! We know you're the best, and we're all rooting for you, so lighten up!
Régine Chassagne vs. Mal Cobb (Cotillard)
Les belles erotiques. Mon dieu! But yeah, these ladies seem slightly detached, like if you asked these ladies for the time, they'd just stare at you, giggle, and walk away.
Will Butler vs. Arthur (Gordon-Levitt)
Like a sleaker version of Cobb, in charge of the second unit. Also, when Will bangs on his helmet with a drum stick, is he just activating the kick? And who's in that dream???
Sarah Neufeld vs. Ariadne
Because, why not add a few cuties to the team?

* David after Dentist was onto something...

Anthony Fucking Weiner

Who says C-SPAN isn't exciting?

(Oh, right, everyone.)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

What Does Alan Moore Sound Like?

I had no clue, and then I found out: he sounds just like he looks. (starts at 0:30)

Friday, July 23, 2010

MJ Losing

MJ after losing 1990 playoffs to Detroit in Game 7

from bill simmon's mailbag

Q: Game 7, Bulls v. Pistons, 1990. If LeBron gave us "The Decision," then at 10:15 in the clip, Michael Jordan -- the unequivocal greatest basketball player of all time -- shows you "The Difference." In defeat, in 30 seconds with Pat O'Brien.
-- Craig H, Los Angeles

SG: (Nodding.)

Teenage Mutant Hardcore Turtles

via pitchfork

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Back Beck Blech

Welcome to my nightmare. Then again...

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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Pretty, Sure

This commercial... yeah, it's beautiful and cool and blahblahblah. Don't you sorta get the feeling though we've seen this kind of commercial a million times already?

Die Hard (Batteries)

As a young'un, I often confused household goods with their superior alternate meanings. I remember constantly thinking that floppy disk in the stack in the "computer room" labeled "Laserjet" was a video game my dad had been hiding from me. But no, it was an old timey printer driver that could probably print 8 pages a minute. BUT THAT'S STILL SUPERFAST.

DIE HARD batteries was another one. As many of you know, I'm a big time Die Hard fan and just the sight of those words gives me a Nakatomi Plaza in my pants (<-- really sorry about that, I'm pretty sure that's my first boner joke on this blog). The jolt of excitement seeing those words matched the jolt you'd get if you licked it, but the battery company would always rank 2nd in my mind to the holiness that is the movie.

Until today! In this video, Gary Numan plays "Cars" on a keyboard made of cars, all powered by a Die Hard battery.

Welcome, Die Hard batteries, to the world of excellence.

[via youaintnopicasso]

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Hey Nicolas Cage! Did You Ever Drink Beer In High School?

This is how you open an interview on Letterman.

Other notes: Cage was unbelievably awesome in this interview - he acknowledged how critics are all over him and how little he cares about that - he displayed enthusiasm for "Ghost Rider 2" which even I don't support - and he demonstrated an extensive knowledge about Goethe.


Monday, July 12, 2010


Considering I'm now temporarily fully employed, I decided this morning to shave my nearly uninterrupted 2 year beard with a 5 blade Schick razor (which adds up to 40% hipster). IT WAS SCHICK!!!! My face is still silky smooth.

This afternoon, I attended a production meeting where every man had a beard... except me. And noticing this, my boss blurted out: "Can you grow a beard?"


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Friday, July 9, 2010


Bill Simmons brought this up, but if you haven't listened to it yet, you really must. It's so spot on what's going on right now, it's EERIE broooootherrrrrrr!!!!!

Breaking Away! (Say it like Eddie Furlong in T2)

This is so awesome. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

How Miami Got LeBron James (Maybe)

Warning NSFW!!!!

Look, it's no secret: porn stars and Miami go hand in hand.

Also, arms-over-shoulder

If LeBron goes to Miami, I'll basically be more revolted than Tiger fucking porn stars. At least he felt shame. Shame!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Is LeBron James Speed Racer?

Speed Racer won a race at Thunderhead, nearly beating the course record set by his brother, Rex Racer. He was chasing the ghost of the greatest before him.

LeBron James hasn't won anything except MVPs and scoring trophies. Still, he'll definitely win a championship. He plays in the shadow of all the greats before him.

Speed Racer is visited E.P. Arnold Royalton, a wealthy businessman who asks Speed Racer to join his team.

LeBron got visited by this guy...

Speed chose to race independently, to be loyal to his family. Tomorrow, we'll find out if LeBron resist the bright lights of Manhattan to play for his home squad (even though he's not from Cleveland, but Akron). Was that confusing? This is me in a state of being bonkers after a 4th of July party explaining the Maltese Ice Caves scene....

Not as eloquent as Royalton....

Interesting that you and your father were so moved by the '43 Prix. One of the great finishes in the history of racing, right? Everyone remembers Burns and Stickleton slugging it out. But who remembers Carl Potts? Driving this rebuilt Wittigan for lodyne Industries, Potts spun out in the second lap and went down as a DNF, a forgettable and pathetic finish, so bad that afterwards, lodyne stock dropped six points. But as Ben Burns sat guzzling cold, fresh milk in Victory Lane, a thousand cameras taking his picture, Sirrus Aeronautics saw almost a 12-point gain, which immediately blocked Penninsula Power Cell from being able to afford the price of a complete takeover. This put Joel Goldman, the CEO of lodyne, Inc., in the exact position he wanted to be in. By first buying controlling interest in his own company at a devalued price, he then brokered a merger with Sirrus that immediately sent lodyne into the gains record book, the only record book that matters. Look out that window. There isn't a single plane or helicopter or K-Harrier that isn't powered by lodyne fuel cells.

That's what racing is about. It has nothing to do with cars or drivers. All that matters is power, and the unassailable might of money!

I love Speed Racer.

iPhone Nightmare

Every 30 seconds, this pops up... any hints how to fix?

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AHHHHHH! weird when you see that shit blownded up!

Monday, July 5, 2010

No One Died, So We May Laugh

A fireworks display goes wrong in Pennsylvania, and this guy thankfully recorded it. You will watch this and think the following:

"Oh no, this is tragic... I hope no one gets seriously hurt... all right, happen already.... this guy is a douche!... when's it gonna HOLY SHIT!"