Ladies and Gents, "Sittin On Tha Toilet."
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Today I had to pick up a pound of coffee beans at Starbucks.
Starbucks Man: [inaudible]
He's doing something, so I wait.
J: I can't hear you.
SBM: She'll help you.
Starbucks Woman: Can I help you?
J: Yes, I need a pound of coffee, grinded.
SBW: You should try our Christmas blend.
J: Thanks, but I don't want to try a pound of Christmas coffee. Can I just get the basic kind?
SBW: Oh, you want the pike* blend?
J: Is that the least expensive one?
SBW: I don't know.
I wait for her to, y'know, figure it out. She doesn't.
J: Well, I don't know either. Can you check for me?
She takes me to the wall of beans.
SBW: I can't tell.
J: Well, what do you want me to do? Is it more expensive than the French Roast blend?
SBW: Oh, wait yeah.
J: Okay, then I'll take the French Roast blend.
SBW: But that's more expensive. See?
J: Just give me the least expensive one.
SBW: The pike blend.
She rings me up.
J: I need to get those grinded.
SBW: Oh, he'll do that for you.
Get ready folks.
SBM: What kind of filter do you use?
J: Umm, not the paper kind. You know, the plastic, sorta mesh one, it's hard?
SBM: The metal kind?
J: I don't know, is that metal?
SBM: There are a lot of different kinds of filters.
J: Okay, so just give me the metal filter kind.
He gives me a look that says "Are you fucking retarded?" Really one of the stinkiest looks I've ever gotten.
I'm amusingly stunned, but not angry.
J: I don't know why you are treating me like this.
J: You are making me feel like an idiot, and I just don't know why.
SBM: You're kidding right?
I must emphasize, I'm just shocked right here, and not at all aggressive.
J: No, I'm not kidding. You are making me feel like an idiot and I don't know why.
SBM: Well, I don't want you coming back here all upset because your beans are ground for the wrong kind of filter and want to return them.
J: Just give me the beans, no one is going to return any beans.
He shoves the bag of beans in my hand and I leave.
Friends, all I wanted was the cheapest bag of beans, grinded. I do not think this makes me a difficult customer, or an asshole, OR an idiot. This wasn't about me not wanting to call a medium a grandé or some other bourgeoise bullshit.
For those of you who work on the other side of the cash register, please let me know what I did wrong.
*Pike beans - I have no idea what they were called, this is what it sounded like, nor do I care, because I hate Starbucks.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Highlights include Bill O'Reilly saying "Let me be very bold and fresh again" which sounds so strange.
Everytime Palin is asked why she's qualified, I understand she's saing words that sound like a point, but doesn't the overall answer to completely refute her? Show and Tell people!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
holy holy fuck fuck i'm so excited
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
someone please mashup!!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
In recent years Mr. Cage’s lack of discrimination (or taste) has threatened to overshadow the sweep of his career, which is understandable if you’ve seen him in the laughable remake of “The Wicker Man” (2006), about a cop battling honey-growing female pagans, including while wearing a bear costume. Yet after “Bad Lieutenant” I have begun to wonder if the narrative that many of us have grafted onto his career — the early if erratic promise, the mature successes, the dire midlife choices — does him an injustice. The truth is that he gets the job done in entertainments like “National Treasure” and “Knowing”(2009), which assumedly give him the financial freedom to cut loose with a director like Mr. Herzog. And the highlights from “The Wicker Man” (available on YouTube) do have their demented pleasures.
Mr. Clooney, again by point of unfair comparison, has rarely if ever delivered a performance as profoundly out of sync with the presumptive goals of a movie as Mr. Cage’s turn in “The Wicker Man.” But neither does Mr. Clooney send shivers up your spine, either in delight or dismay. Mr. Cage is the more unpredictable actor and consequently the more dangerous one. He has made a habit of failure and frequently pimped out his talent. And yet, as “Bad Lieutenant” shows, he remains the same Nicolas Cage of his early, later and most critically lauded career: the man of a thousand facial tics, a student of all accents and a master of none, a star who, for better, worse and sometimes both, gives us reason after reason to go the movies.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
“You know that scene in the movie ‘Blazing Saddles,’ when Cleavon Little holds the gun to his own head and threatens to shoot himself?” asked Ronald E. Neumann, a former ambassador to Afghanistan.
So much parody...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
must be tough to have to hang out with three harmonizing cuties all day