Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Metal A Headbanger's Journey - Gaahl Interview

This is from Metal: A Headbangers Journey, a documentary about metal. This interview is with a guy from Gorgoroth. I won't pretend that I know anything about this band. All I know is that they are from Norway, and these people are insane.

Horror Supreme Pizza

big thanks to my bro alex on this one - this shit is like a supreme pie, with pepperoni wolves, sausage dimensional crossings, and pineapple man-eating chandeliers.

from a japanese horror film called "House"

The AV Club Knows How To Write Headlines

Holy shit! I love it!

Stephen Malkmus Did a Marc Jacobs Ad?

I guess so.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ghost Dad Tagline

I'm guessing the original tag line for this movie was "Bill Cosby as you've never seen him before... dead!" and not "Bill Cosby as you've never seen him before... invisible."

Devin Harris You're The Man

Devin Hero last night.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Road to Morocco

this is so weird!

The End of Change (Juice)


Werner Herzog gets shot by LA sniper during interview

don't worry it was "not a significant bullet"

How Fucking Dare They

it took the nytimes nearly an hour to correct the fact that Shaq is not retired.

Don't Call It A Re-Post: Did You See Kate Winslet's Dad Last Night?

Look he's waving! Awww what a cutie.

These Burgers Are Making Me Thirsty!

thanks Creighton for the amazing find!

Did You See Kate Winslet's Dad At The Oscars?

a TCRM original.

As Always, The Big Picture - Carnival

Must see post on Carnival! [link]

Sunday, February 22, 2009

FOUND: My Rejected Daily Northwestern Column

A conversation today led me to cite this column I wrote almost 2 years ago. It was sort of collaborative, as I wrote it while in a train car crossing into Hungary with Jim, Matt R, Peter K, and Mathias M. If it doesn't make any sense, whatevs. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and the fact I could make any sort of connection 2 years later only makes me that much happier...

A couple stands there, looking into each other's eyes. They are obviously in love and comfortable with expressing it in a train station. They kiss, and it gets a little sloppier. The man sticks out his tongue and holds his head still and the woman rubs her entire face on it, as if she's a kitten being cleaned by her mother's sweet embrace. She unbuttons his shirt and starts biting his neck, not enough to draw blood, but just enough to make him moan. Are they preparing for temporary separation? Is he going to war? No. They are getting on an escalator.

This scene, of course, did not happen in America. If it had, the couple would be mocked by a gang of schoolchildren probably wielding handguns while the local hate group union prepared to march and exercise their "free speech." This happened in Europe when I visited over spring break. So why are we so uncomfortable with our sexuality?

Our social prudence can be attributed to our deep (deeper than we think) roots of Puritanism. Consider The Crucible by Winona Rider. The Salem Witch Trials serve as an allegory for McCarthyism and the Red Scare. We have not broken the bonds of our Puritan roots. American culture is represented byDemi Moore, who must bear the letter "A" which represents "America" and her child represents the collision of Church and State because GaryOldman is, like, the Church, that really likes sex and all. It's about hypocrisy.

This is the conflict of America "culture." It prevents us from acting rationally, like the Europeans do. In Europe I experience, for the first time, something real.

The standing room at Staatsoper in Vienna is, in a word, transcendental. I spend 2 Euros but how can one put a a price on real culture? There I stood with the commoners to witness the hot new singer Anna Netrebko. Her voice is filled with passion and you know what? I totally get it. After the performance, I even make a friend. Johannes takes me to a small kaffeehaus off the the beaten path and we talk about art, literature, classical music, and then politics. I am ashamed. I explain to him that I detest Bush and that it is in Bono I trust.

We head back to his flat and I ask to use his W.C. His toilet is unlike any I have encountered in the U.S. and I become frightened. Johannes senses my fear and assists me. He explains that the shelf within the bowl is for my excrement to rest on. I look around for his toilet paper -- "No no!" he says and points to theBiday . He instructs me on how to use it and he grabs his 35 mm camera. I am confused but he explains it is for an art project and takes pictures of me and of my excrement on the shelf. When I finish he shows me his older photographs (black and white, of course) and they blow me away. I finally feel cultured.

I come back to America as a new man. How will I survive in such a cultural wasteland? Fortunately, I bring back a piece of Europe with me. I now have style with my Kangol hat and my Manchester United football jersey. I have traded in my rock CDs for Italian Opera LPs and my microwave for an espresso machine. I only wish my friends and roommates could join me in appreciating this real culture. But, alas, they could not understand it. They could not understand how much one can change on a six day trip.

Aww you guys inspire me.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Take That, Subwoofer Jerks!

I made you fans a promise... here it is!

[ed. note: i did this twice and it totally worked!]

Dear Fucking Assholes Not Playing Music Outside My Apartment (An Apology)

Dear you guys,

I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I made an assumption. You guys are cool. In fact, I love you guys. Let's figure out when we can get lattes.

It was (is) my fucking asshole neighbors having a non-party. See a party, you get the volume up so there is a proper decibel-to-person ratio. A non-party is for assholes who want to feel like they are having a party without the party.

Well congratulations guys. Your subwoofer is all ready to go for your next REAL party. Til then, enjoy the longest fucking version of Love Lockdown I've ever heard.

Now that I know your not the guys-in-a-car-blasting music, I'm also not afraid of you. So prepare for a night filled with me buzzing your door and running away.


Dear Fucking Assholes Playing Music Outside My Apartment,

Dear Fucking Assholes Playing Music Outside My Apartment,

Congratulations. Your subwoofer is really effective. Yes, your stereo can play very loud music. You enjoy music with hot beats, maybe the hottest. I FUCKING GET IT. So why must you demonstrate the powers of your magic motor only on my street? Wouldn't you rather -- I mean, really guys can you just -- GODDAMNIT.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. Maybe you are scientists testing the effects of heavy bass on cancer cells. Or maybe you are just trying to pull plasma from blood to learn more about red blood cells. But must you study such fascinating material outside my apartment at 11:30 PM.

Okay, now you're definitely getting louder. I've left my living room for the recesses of my bedroom. And yes, every bass note of your music is shaking my room still.

So its my fault for staying in on a Friday night? I have good reason I swear! It's Conan's last night! Do you guys like Conan? Why don't you come in, turn your subwoofer off, and we'll all have a laugh and cry together?

Oh that's right. I'm terrified of you. And I hate your guts.

I seriously hope your subwoofer is so powerful it shakes the bolts off car and one day while you're driving your entire car falls apart like an old Bug Bunny cartoon. And then I'll bike by, giggle to myself, and ride away!

Yep. You guys are assholes and I'm scared of you. You win.

You fucking assholes.


Letterman - 2009 Slam Dunk Champ, Nate Robinson

what a charming dunk

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Nick Cave - I'm your man (Wow... that didn't take long)

Here is Nick Cave singing "I'm Your Man" from the Leonard Cohen documentary of the same title.

Leonard Cohen - In my secret life

Just saw Leonard Cohen tonight and he was incredible... I'm working on a theory of how he could be spirit-pals with Nick Cave... until then, enjoy this beautiful song and video.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Motörhead - Ace of Spades - Songsmith Version

Really into this one...

The World's most amazing Basketball Shot

Yeah, this could be it.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... John Travolta.

my god...

from this summer's upcoming The Taking Of Pelham 123

Obama's Elf


Let's Autotune, Sing, and Blend Drinks

It is uncertain how much of this video is intended to be streaky and pixelated. Either way (I think) you can't tell me this isn't inspired by TCRM favorite John Kilduff, star of Let's Paint, Excercise, and Blend Drinks.

KANYE WEST "Welcome To Heartbreak" Directed by Nabil from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Keep Your Memes Out!

I got through half of this article in the nytimes thinking it was talking about Microsoft Songsmith.

TIP: It's actually really hilarious to read this article and anticipate when the writer will suggest that homeless people need to sing more. [link to article]

Latest Jackie Chan Film Too Bloody for China [My Fake Script]


Jackie Chan is starring in a new movie so violent that its director has decided not to release it in mainland China, which doesn’t have a film ratings system. The film’s director, Derek Yee, who is based in Hong Kong, told The Associated Press on Monday that he had first considered toning down the violence in “Shinjuku Incident” so it could pass censorship in China. But then he decided not to, he said, because he thought it would hurt the integrity of the movie.

Shinjuku Incident
by Josh Sherman

We open on a shots of various buildings in downtown Beijing. Chinese music is playing. We see street sellers, bankers on the phone, kids fooling around. Then a still shot of a building with black reflective glass windows. An explosion.

Out of the fire, a van speeds toward the camera and turns sharply as soon as it gets close. The van has just thrown JIMMY LEE [Jackie Chan] off the back. The camera is now behind Jimmy, who is still rolling from the fall in the street. He sees the van driving away. The van says "Beijing First National Blood Bank."

Jimmy runs over to a scared little girl on a bicycle and throws her off, onto a sharp spike on a telephone pole. He bikes in pursuit of the van and bikes through a street peddler, chopping his body in half from the man's crotch to his head. The blood sprays onto Jimmy's face in a way that is split, like the body.

Jimmy loses the van for a moment while on a bridge. He sees the van is on a highway below him. He sees a white 4-seater convertible coming in the distance, waits to time the jump, and steps off the bridge. He is caught by the convertible, but in the process, he's stomped on the couple sitting in the back. This has made their bodies explode into just spray blood, that paints the back of the convertible red. The driver and front seat passenger fights with Jimmy, and Jimmy throws the woman passenger onto a truck next to the convertible. The truck is actually a cage with a lion inside (we can see the lion through the bars). She is ripped to shreds.

We see her being mauled while Jimmy continues to fight the driver.

I'm a cop!

Get out of my car!
Jimmy and the driver and now swerving out of control. The zoo-truck, which was also holding vultures, spills over. The lion jumps out and we see it safely land. A double-decker bus behind the convertible flips over and 30 people are launched off the top. While in mid-air, the vultures carry some of the passengers but also start picking their flesh, and blood begins to pour down like rain. We see a shot of rain pouring down on the lion, who looks like a king about to feast.

Jimmy opens the driver's door, while in control of the steering wheel from the passenger seat. He smashes the driver's head onto the pavement. The camera is following the convertible, so all we sees is red blood spurting up. The driver's head has been dragged off, and Jimmy tosses the body out. He looks in the rear view mirror and sees the road is painted with a red line. It is blood.

Jimmy drives the convertible with incredible speed to the dock. He arrives and sees the van, the rear doors are open. He jumps out of his convertible and looks inside the van. It is empty. He turns around and sees a barge in the water holding a clear tank of what must be blood.


The screen fades to black. The titles appear. “Shinjuku Incident.”

Monday, February 16, 2009

LeBron's Favorite ASG Moment: Mariah In The MJ Shirt-Dress

From Cleveland Plain Dealer...

LeBron James was asked over the weekend what his favorite moment in All-Star game history was and he replied with a moment he watched on television instead of in person as a participant. "Seeing Mariah Carey in the Michael Jordan shirt-dress," he said with a grin. "Whew. I was a only senior in high school, [but] I was old enough."

Shaq and Jabbawockeez at the 2009 NBA All Star Game

I expect this to become a hit.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Shell Circuit Ad

From an email forwarded by my dad... this is fucking awesome.

Here's a link to a Shell commercial shown in Europe. Ostensibly they're selling gasoline, but the Ferrari's used in the video steal the show.

Ferrari pulled several of their race-cars from various ages out of storage, flew them around the world, and filmed them running through the streets of Rome, Rio, New York, Hong Kong and Monaco. No CGI - these are the original cars on the original streets.

The best part is the sound - from the basso-profundo notes of the early, front-engine era, each scene cuts to a later and later generation, ending with the banshee-wail of a modern F1 car. The sounds alone bring a tear to the eye. Even if you're not a gearhead, this video will stir the soul.

There's just something about 3 litres and 14,000 RPM that's music to my ears!!!

The Simpsons - NEW Main Title for HD


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Giorgio Moroder - Machines [Metropolis Soundtrack]

this song only makes my need to see this movie stronger

Metropolis - Transformation (Moroder)

Does anyone have a copy of this? Dying to see the whole thing.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Teeth, Tooth Beavers, and Nerve Endings

White Stripes Playing Conan's Last "Late Nite"

this was from that week where they played every night - and it was totally worth blogging - he's fucking awesome

Gettin' Better All the Time: David Lee

Situation G Min

Off Def Tot
Ast TO Stl Blk PF PPG
October 2 34:17

4.5 6.5 11.0
4.0 1.5 2.0 0.5 3.0 14.5
November 14 31:11

2.3 6.6 8.9
1.6 2.1 0.8 0.3 2.9 14.0
December 14 36:12

3.5 9.5 13.0
1.9 1.8 1.0 0.3 3.6 14.9
January 16 37:53

3.3 9.9 13.2
2.2 2.8 0.9 0.4 3.3 18.6
February 5 37:06

4.0 8.4 12.4
1.6 2.0 0.4 0.0 3.2 21.6

Monday, February 9, 2009

For Those Of You Who Have Lost Hope

This episode of The Simpsons from season 15 "I, (Annoyed_Grunt)-Bot" is actually pretty funny. Someone should make a list of episodes past season, oh, say 12, that are worth watching.


To Be Or Not To Be (Hitler Rap)

...but I won't!


Mel Brooks - Its Good To Be The King RAP

I really don't know where to take this blog from here. This really is a climax. I could end this blog right now...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

We're Totally Losing

I wish we lived in a time where music like this was being produced. I give you "Zapp & Roger - I Want To Be Your Man"

Thanks to Alex!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

February 4, 2008

While LOST had what might have been the BEST episode ever, LeBron motherfuckin' James asks "how does one one-up KOBE?" and has the first 50 pt, triple-double game since Kareem Abdul Jabbar (and ended 25 seconds after LOST, so I could even catch it).


Reggie Miller: Shame on Knicks Fans

first off, this video recalls a very, very painful moment. second....

Reggie Miller was watching Kobe Bryant's 61-point outburst against the Knicks on Monday night, which drew cheers from the Garden crowd. Miller was surprised and disappointed in the New York fans.

"I was texting Spike as the game was going on, saying how disappointed I was in the fans chanting "MVP!" for Kobe," Miller said Tuesday on a TNT call. "I was like, 'How the mighty have fallen.'" Because I remember in times past, I never got cheered. I'm sure Jordan never got cheered. And now they are chanting "MVP!" for Kobe? And all (Lee) kept doing was texting back and going, 'Look, times have changed. The climate has changed.'"

The Wii-te House

People made (dumb) jokes before Obama was elected that went something like "will we start calling it 'The Black House'??"... now we know what we should actually be calling it:

from nytimes

Representative Charlie Dent, Republican of Pennsylvania, said he was “pleasantly surprised” to be invited to the White House to watch the Super Bowl. He brought his three children — ages 14, 12 and 8 — who joined other kids at a Wii station that was set up in the East Wing.

here's hoping they don't make the "red button" into a Wii game.

The Indonesian Mimic Octopus

Everyone knows I'm most terrified of sea snakes. Afterall, its a snake that can attack you from any plane - it could be preying on you right behind your head. But i'm down with sea snake imitators, like this Indonesian Mimic Octopus... something makes me think I've posted this before.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Listen To This: More Nick Cave!

Lime Tree Arbour - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds


With 61 points against the Knicks on Monday, Kobe Bryant broke a tie with Michael Jordan to move into sole possession of second place on the league's all-time list with five 60-point games in his career.

Wilt Chamberlain holds the record with 32 games of 60 or more points.

David After Dentist

"is this real life?"

Monday, February 2, 2009

Two Solutions To Our Failing Economy

Two Possibilities...

The Onion:
And The New York Times:

Sea explorers probing the depths of the English Channel have discovered what they say is a legendary British warship that sank in a fierce storm in 1744 with the loss of more than 900 men and possibly four tons of gold coins valued at $1 billion.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dwyane Wade on possibility of playing with LeBron James in New York

Dwyane Wade was asked about the possibility of playing with LeBron James in New York on Friday evening.

"It's not crazy," Wade told The Post in the visitor's locker room of Indiana's Conseco Fieldhouse. "It could happen. We both understand that. We both signed the same contract. We did it together. More than anything, it's fun to think about. It's exciting to know we both control our future. Will it happen? Who knows. He has some something he's trying to accomplish in Cleveland. I have something I'm trying to accomplish in Miami. But up until 2010, it will be fun to think about."

Link: Ren And Stimpy-Happy Happy Joy Joy