Wednesday, May 7, 2008

What Doesn't Happen in Vegas!

First, breathe this all in. Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher star in a, uhh, romantic, ahem, uhhh comedy... wow give me a sec... where anything goes!

I should mention that I haven't seen the movie. But I feel no restraint from judging it. After all, it is a..... romantic.....comedy..... starring Cameron Diaz and... goddamn it!!!.... Ashton Kutcher.

Well, what can we assume?

1. There is probably a financial backer in this movie linked to Vegas. And you'll probably be able to figure out when we discover the two have checked into the same hotel and we see a lot of beautiful photography of said hotel. I'm just making a guess - not a prediction - I think it will be set at The Palms.
2. There will be a lot of gross jokes. Ashton may get hit in the balls. In the commercial he pees on the dishes and says "your turn for the dishes!" We will all relate.
3. Dennis Miller will not make you laugh. Now I don't want to go off on a rant here, but have you ever noticed some big words blah blah blah.

I found a leaked outtake from the wedding ceremony in the wedding, where Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, blech, are actually really drunk so it felt real. I'm sure there is someone out there that is really excited by this. Someone probably thinks its the funniest YouTube clip of the week.

Have you ever gotten completely wasted with your friends and been like "OH MAN, IF WE ONLY HAD SOMEONE RECORD US LAST NIGHT IT WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST SHIT." Well, it wouldn't be. I won't bore you with the video clip, but I thought it might look funny to post images from the clip without any context.

...and it does!

Lastly, there is a joke in the commercial I wanted to talk about.

"Your name is Dick Banger? You've just provided us jokes for the whole weekend."

Ashton misses the irony. "Dick Banger" will apparently entertain a fictional Ashton Kutcher longer than (probably) any joke from the movie will entertain an real audience. Obviously, movies are about fantasy, but since when has "simple entertainment" been in the realm of fantasy.

And, why not, since I probably will never write about Ashton Kutcher ever again, my top 5 favorite Ashton Kutcher movies.
  1. The Butterfly Effect - if this movie had the rights to "Coldplay - Clocks" it would've been a box office smash.
  2. The Guardian - haven't seen it, but if it's anywhere as dumb as Butterfly Effect, how could it not be amazing? Don't forget, Kevin Costner stars as his mentor (I think. I really have no clue. That is my assumption based on the DVD cover.)
  3. My Boss's Daughter - haven't seen it either. But it has Terence Stamp, and in The Limey... hisnamewasWilson. He was also General Zod It also has TCRM-favorite Tara Reid
  4. Good Will Hunting - he and Matt Damon did a great job with this script. I can't believe they won an Oscar! Robin Williams is also soooo amazing! He should do more dramas.
  5. Guess Who - a remake of the classic movie "Clue." I wonder where Miss Mustard left her candycanes!

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