Tuesday, May 1, 2007

bill simmons's cruelty, part 2

bill simmons imagines what will happen between NBA commissioner David Stern and Dirk Nowitzki at the MVP award ceremony...


--Stern: "Well, Dirk, maybe the playoffs didn't turn out the way you planned, but for 82 meaningless games during one of the worst seasons of my 23-year tenure, you were the best player in a terrible league. Unfortunately, voting for the award happens right after the regular season, so voters weren't able to factor in your complete meltdown in Round 1 against Golden State. You didn't just fail to step up like an MVP should, you whined and complained the entire series, disgraced your teammates and embarrassed your fans. Not since David Hasselhoff has America been so embarrassed by a German. I don't know whether to hand you this trophy or smash it over your head. Lucky for you, this is being televised, so I can only hand you the trophy and congratulate you on the 2006-07 Most Valuable Player Award. I'm going to leave now so I can throw up." --Dirk Nowitzki (taking the trophy): "Thank you, Mr. Commissioner."


wow man that is cruel. but i must say this was one of the worst basketball seasons i can remember. maybe that is what is making the NBA playoffs so exciting right now: EVERY team was awful. even the mavs, with their impressive record this year, never got through to me. josh howard? jerry stackhouse? jason terry? i can't wait for golden state to destroy them (maybe not tonight in dallas, but definitely in oakland).

3 comments:

Nihal said...

josh. the mavs have not lost yet. repeat: they have not lost yet.

EVERY team was awful? the suns were awful? really? i must have missed something.

josh said...

it doesn't matter if the suns were good or bad - everyone else in the conference was awful - the lakers were a joke, denver didn't pull together until like the last week, utah is utah, houston kept getting injured, and who isn't sick of the spurs?

i look forward to game 6 - watching the oakland games was a real thrill for the 10 minutes i could watch - how about if the mavs win the series, i have to write a really apologetic (with histrionics) blog post to you, and if golden state wins, you have to post a cosmodrome post about how my blog is superior.

Nihal said...

i think that "everyone is awful" argument is just wrong. boring, perhaps, but not awful. we can chalk up houston and the lakers struggles to injuries (and houston still pulled itself together). utah has exciting players (deron williams, masha lopatova's husband, carlos boozer, that turkish fella), but a boring system. i hate the mavs. the suns are very good and very exciting. the spurs are good, but boring. golden state is good. simmons is pissed at the nba because his teams, the celtics and the clippers, SUCK with vigor.

also, simmons' take on nowitzki, while accurate on some levels, was too early. look at game 5 - though GS deserved to win, nowitzki was huge down the stretch.

(insert token joke about how your knicks' draft pick is on its way to my bulls.)

i'm not taking your bet; i want golden state to win.

how about this bet instead, same terms, only it's on the over/under of nowitzki's point total (25); i'll take the over.