Fainting Cats: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I cannot resist.

LCD Soundsystem's Gavin Russom

My favorite member of LCD Soundsystem is without a doubt, Gavin Russom, a fantastic engineer who has played with Lightning Bolt, built instruments for LCD and Black Dice, and is known as "The Wizard" for his technical prowess. He also looks like Worf from Star Trek.



In fact this LCD tour video ends with the host saying "Captain's Blog, Signing Off" so I'm guessing it's a fair judgment.

But let's just skip ahead to him dancing...



Worf!!!

Salesman Pete

Salesman Pete from Salesman Pete on Vimeo.

I was turned on to this movie by Gizmodo today, and it's phenomenal. 5 minutes you won't regret. To watch it in HD go here.

"I Want To Take Organized Crime Levels.... Down."

Nic Cage will save the world. And I will do everything I can to make this movie happen.

Was This Ever Entertaining?

It's sortof a basic question of humanity. Did cavemen get turned on by cave paintings? Did people in their middle ages during the Middle Ages (technically teenagers) rock out to loots and lyres? Did anyone ever watch this music video for "Honeymoon in Vegas" and react with something other than "What the fuck is this?"

Phew. A lot of pressure going into the next thousand TCRM posts. Glad to start it off with some Cage.

TCRM #1000

I wanted to make something special for this, but this is all I could think of.

Thank You! [1] Thank You! [2] Thank You! [3] Thank You! [4] Thank You! [5] Thank You! [6] Thank You! [7] Thank You! [8] Thank You! [9] Thank You! [10] Thank You! [11] Thank You! [12] Thank You! [13] Thank You! [14] Thank You! [15] Thank You! [16] Thank You! [17] Thank You! [18] Thank You! [19] Thank You! [20] Thank You! [21] Thank You! [22] Thank You! [23] Thank You! [24] Thank You! [25] Thank You! [26] Thank You! [27] Thank You! [28] Thank You! [29] Thank You! [30] Thank You! [31] Thank You! [32] Thank You! [33] Thank You! [34] Thank You! [35] Thank You! [36] Thank You! [37] Thank You! [38] Thank You! [39] Thank You! [40] Thank You! [41] Thank You! [42] Thank You! [43] Thank You! [44] Thank You! [45] Thank You! [46] Thank You! [47] Thank You! [48] Thank You! [49] Thank You! [50] Thank You! [51] Thank You! [52] Thank You! [53] Thank You! [54] Thank You! [55] Thank You! [56] Thank You! [57] Thank You! [58] Thank You! [59] Thank You! [60] Thank You! [61] Thank You! [62] Thank You! [63] Thank You! [64] Thank You! [65] Thank You! [66] Thank You! [67] Thank You! [68] Thank You! [69] Thank You! [70] Thank You! [71] Thank You! [72] Thank You! [73] Thank You! [74] Thank You! [75] Thank You! [76] Thank You! [77] Thank You! [78] Thank You! [79] Thank You! [80] Thank You! [81] Thank You! [82] Thank You! [83] Thank You! [84] Thank You! [85] Thank You! [86] Thank You! [87] Thank You! [88] Thank You! [89] Thank You! [90] Thank You! [91] Thank You! [92] Thank You! [93] Thank You! [94] Thank You! [95] Thank You! [96] Thank You! [97] Thank You! [98] Thank You! [99] Thank You! [100] Thank You! [101] Thank You! [102] Thank You! [103] Thank You! [104] Thank You! [105] Thank You! [106] Thank You! [107] Thank You! [108] Thank You! [109] Thank You! [110] Thank You! [111] Thank You! [112] Thank You! [113] Thank You! [114] Thank You! [115] Thank You! [116] Thank You! [117] Thank You! [118] Thank You! [119] Thank You! [120] Thank You! [121] Thank You! [122] Thank You! [123] Thank You! [124] Thank You! [125] Thank You! [126] Thank You! [127] Thank You! [128] Thank You! [129] Thank You! [130] Thank You! [131] Thank You! [132] Thank You! [133] Thank You! [134] Thank You! [135] Thank You! [136] Thank You! [137] Thank You! [138] Thank You! [139] Thank You! [140] Thank You! [141] Thank You! [142] Thank You! [143] Thank You! [144] Thank You! [145] Thank You! [146] Thank You! [147] Thank You! [148] Thank You! [149] Thank You! [150] Thank You! [151] Thank You! [152] Thank You! [153] Thank You! [154] Thank You! [155] Thank You! [156] Thank You! [157] Thank You! [158] Thank You! [159] Thank You! [160] Thank You! [161] Thank You! [162] Thank You! [163] Thank You! [164] Thank You! [165] Thank You! [166] Thank You! [167] Thank You! [168] Thank You! [169] Thank You! [170] Thank You! [171] Thank You! [172] Thank You! [173] Thank You! [174] Thank You! [175] Thank You! [176] Thank You! [177] Thank You! [178] Thank You! [179] Thank You! [180] Thank You! [181] Thank You! [182] Thank You! [183] Thank You! [184] Thank You! [185] Thank You! [186] Thank You! [187] Thank You! [188] Thank You! [189] Thank You! [190] Thank You! [191] Thank You! [192] Thank You! [193] Thank You! [194] Thank You! [195] Thank You! [196] Thank You! [197] Thank You! [198] Thank You! [199] Thank You! [200] Thank You! [201] Thank You! [202] Thank You! [203] Thank You! [204] Thank You! [205] Thank You! [206] Thank You! [207] Thank You! [208] Thank You! [209] Thank You! [210] Thank You! [211] Thank You! [212] Thank You! [213] Thank You! [214] Thank You! [215] Thank You! [216] Thank You! [217] Thank You! [218] Thank You! [219] Thank You! [220] Thank You! [221] Thank You! [222] Thank You! [223] Thank You! [224] Thank You! [225] Thank You! [226] Thank You! [227] Thank You! [228] Thank You! [229] Thank You! [230] Thank You! [231] Thank You! [232] Thank You! [233] Thank You! [234] Thank You! [235] Thank You! [236] Thank You! [237] Thank You! [238] Thank You! [239] Thank You! [240] Thank You! [241] Thank You! [242] Thank You! [243] Thank You! [244] Thank You! [245] Thank You! [246] Thank You! [247] Thank You! [248] Thank You! [249] Thank You! [250] Thank You! [251] Thank You! [252] Thank You! [253] Thank You! [254] Thank You! [255] Thank You! [256] Thank You! [257] Thank You! [258] Thank You! [259] Thank You! [260] Thank You! [261] Thank You! [262] Thank You! [263] Thank You! [264] Thank You! [265] Thank You! [266] Thank You! [267] Thank You! [268] Thank You! [269] Thank You! [270] Thank You! [271] Thank You! [272] Thank You! [273] Thank You! [274] Thank You! [275] Thank You! [276] Thank You! [277] Thank You! [278] Thank You! [279] Thank You! [280] Thank You! [281] Thank You! [282] Thank You! [283] Thank You! [284] Thank You! [285] Thank You! [286] Thank You! [287] Thank You! [288] Thank You! [289] Thank You! [290] Thank You! [291] Thank You! [292] Thank You! [293] Thank You! [294] Thank You! [295] Thank You! [296] Thank You! [297] Thank You! [298] Thank You! [299] Thank You! [300] Thank You! [301] Thank You! [302] Thank You! [303] Thank You! [304] Thank You! [305] Thank You! [306] Thank You! [307] Thank You! [308] Thank You! [309] Thank You! [310] Thank You! [311] Thank You! [312] Thank You! [313] Thank You! [314] Thank You! [315] Thank You! [316] Thank You! [317] Thank You! [318] Thank You! [319] Thank You! [320] Thank You! [321] Thank You! [322] Thank You! [323] Thank You! [324] Thank You! [325] Thank You! [326] Thank You! [327] Thank You! [328] Thank You! [329] Thank You! [330] Thank You! [331] Thank You! [332] Thank You! [333] Thank You! [334] Thank You! [335] Thank You! [336] Thank You! [337] Thank You! [338] Thank You! [339] Thank You! [340] Thank You! [341] Thank You! [342] Thank You! [343] Thank You! [344] Thank You! [345] Thank You! [346] Thank You! [347] Thank You! [348] Thank You! [349] Thank You! [350] Thank You! [351] Thank You! [352] Thank You! [353] Thank You! [354] Thank You! [355] Thank You! [356] Thank You! [357] Thank You! [358] Thank You! [359] Thank You! [360] Thank You! [361] Thank You! [362] Thank You! [363] Thank You! [364] Thank You! [365] Thank You! [366] Thank You! [367] Thank You! [368] Thank You! [369] Thank You! [370] Thank You! [371] Thank You! [372] Thank You! [373] Thank You! [374] Thank You! [375] Thank You! [376] Thank You! [377] Thank You! [378] Thank You! [379] Thank You! [380] Thank You! [381] Thank You! [382] Thank You! [383] Thank You! [384] Thank You! [385] Thank You! [386] Thank You! [387] Thank You! [388] Thank You! [389] Thank You! [390] Thank You! [391] Thank You! [392] Thank You! [393] Thank You! [394] Thank You! [395] Thank You! [396] Thank You! [397] Thank You! [398] Thank You! [399] Thank You! [400] Thank You! [401] Thank You! [402] Thank You! [403] Thank You! [404] Thank You! [405] Thank You! [406] Thank You! [407] Thank You! [408] Thank You! [409] Thank You! [410] Thank You! [411] Thank You! [412] Thank You! [413] Thank You! [414] Thank You! [415] Thank You! [416] Thank You! [417] Thank You! [418] Thank You! [419] Thank You! [420] Thank You! [421] Thank You! [422] Thank You! [423] Thank You! [424] Thank You! [425] Thank You! [426] Thank You! [427] Thank You! [428] Thank You! [429] Thank You! [430] Thank You! [431] Thank You! [432] Thank You! [433] Thank You! [434] Thank You! [435] Thank You! [436] Thank You! [437] Thank You! [438] Thank You! [439] Thank You! [440] Thank You! [441] Thank You! [442] Thank You! [443] Thank You! [444] Thank You! [445] Thank You! [446] Thank You! [447] Thank You! [448] Thank You! [449] Thank You! [450] Thank You! [451] Thank You! [452] Thank You! [453] Thank You! [454] Thank You! [455] Thank You! [456] Thank You! [457] Thank You! [458] Thank You! [459] Thank You! [460] Thank You! [461] Thank You! [462] Thank You! [463] Thank You! [464] Thank You! [465] Thank You! [466] Thank You! [467] Thank You! [468] Thank You! [469] Thank You! [470] Thank You! [471] Thank You! [472] Thank You! [473] Thank You! [474] Thank You! [475] Thank You! [476] Thank You! [477] Thank You! [478] Thank You! [479] Thank You! [480] Thank You! [481] Thank You! [482] Thank You! [483] Thank You! [484] Thank You! [485] Thank You! [486] Thank You! [487] Thank You! [488] Thank You! [489] Thank You! [490] Thank You! [491] Thank You! [492] Thank You! [493] Thank You! [494] Thank You! [495] Thank You! [496] Thank You! [497] Thank You! [498] Thank You! [499] Thank You! [500] Thank You! [501] Thank You! [502] Thank You! [503] Thank You! [504] Thank You! [505] Thank You! [506] Thank You! [507] Thank You! [508] Thank You! [509] Thank You! [510] Thank You! [511] Thank You! [512] Thank You! [513] Thank You! [514] Thank You! [515] Thank You! [516] Thank You! [517] Thank You! [518] Thank You! [519] Thank You! [520] Thank You! [521] Thank You! [522] Thank You! [523] Thank You! [524] Thank You! [525] Thank You! [526] Thank You! [527] Thank You! [528] Thank You! [529] Thank You! [530] Thank You! [531] Thank You! [532] Thank You! [533] Thank You! [534] Thank You! [535] Thank You! [536] Thank You! [537] Thank You! [538] Thank You! [539] Thank You! [540] Thank You! [541] Thank You! [542] Thank You! [543] Thank You! [544] Thank You! [545] Thank You! [546] Thank You! [547] Thank You! [548] Thank You! [549] Thank You! [550] Thank You! [551] Thank You! [552] Thank You! [553] Thank You! [554] Thank You! [555] Thank You! [556] Thank You! [557] Thank You! [558] Thank You! [559] Thank You! [560] Thank You! [561] Thank You! [562] Thank You! [563] Thank You! [564] Thank You! [565] Thank You! [566] Thank You! [567] Thank You! [568] Thank You! [569] Thank You! [570] Thank You! [571] Thank You! [572] Thank You! [573] Thank You! [574] Thank You! [575] Thank You! [576] Thank You! [577] Thank You! [578] Thank You! [579] Thank You! [580] Thank You! [581] Thank You! [582] Thank You! [583] Thank You! [584] Thank You! [585] Thank You! [586] Thank You! [587] Thank You! [588] Thank You! [589] Thank You! [590] Thank You! [591] Thank You! [592] Thank You! [593] Thank You! [594] Thank You! [595] Thank You! [596] Thank You! [597] Thank You! [598] Thank You! [599] Thank You! [600] Thank You! [601] Thank You! [602] Thank You! [603] Thank You! [604] Thank You! [605] Thank You! [606] Thank You! [607] Thank You! [608] Thank You! [609] Thank You! [610] Thank You! [611] Thank You! [612] Thank You! [613] Thank You! [614] Thank You! [615] Thank You! [616] Thank You! [617] Thank You! [618] Thank You! [619] Thank You! [620] Thank You! [621] Thank You! [622] Thank You! [623] Thank You! [624] Thank You! [625] Thank You! [626] Thank You! [627] Thank You! [628] Thank You! [629] Thank You! [630] Thank You! [631] Thank You! [632] Thank You! [633] Thank You! [634] Thank You! [635] Thank You! [636] Thank You! [637] Thank You! [638] Thank You! [639] Thank You! [640] Thank You! [641] Thank You! [642] Thank You! [643] Thank You! [644] Thank You! [645] Thank You! [646] Thank You! [647] Thank You! [648] Thank You! [649] Thank You! [650] Thank You! [651] Thank You! [652] Thank You! [653] Thank You! [654] Thank You! [655] Thank You! [656] Thank You! [657] Thank You! [658] Thank You! [659] Thank You! [660] Thank You! [661] Thank You! [662] Thank You! [663] Thank You! [664] Thank You! [665] Thank You! [666] Thank You! [667] Thank You! [668] Thank You! [669] Thank You! [670] Thank You! [671] Thank You! [672] Thank You! [673] Thank You! [674] Thank You! [675] Thank You! [676] Thank You! [677] Thank You! [678] Thank You! [679] Thank You! [680] Thank You! [681] Thank You! [682] Thank You! [683] Thank You! [684] Thank You! [685] Thank You! [686] Thank You! [687] Thank You! [688] Thank You! [689] Thank You! [690] Thank You! [691] Thank You! [692] Thank You! [693] Thank You! [694] Thank You! [695] Thank You! [696] Thank You! [697] Thank You! [698] Thank You! [699] Thank You! [700] Thank You! [701] Thank You! [702] Thank You! [703] Thank You! [704] Thank You! [705] Thank You! [706] Thank You! [707] Thank You! [708] Thank You! [709] Thank You! [710] Thank You! [711] Thank You! [712] Thank You! [713] Thank You! [714] Thank You! [715] Thank You! [716] Thank You! [717] Thank You! [718] Thank You! [719] Thank You! [720] Thank You! [721] Thank You! [722] Thank You! [723] Thank You! [724] Thank You! [725] Thank You! [726] Thank You! [727] Thank You! [728] Thank You! [729] Thank You! [730] Thank You! [731] Thank You! [732] Thank You! [733] Thank You! [734] Thank You! [735] Thank You! [736] Thank You! [737] Thank You! [738] Thank You! [739] Thank You! [740] Thank You! [741] Thank You! [742] Thank You! [743] Thank You! [744] Thank You! [745] Thank You! [746] Thank You! [747] Thank You! [748] Thank You! [749] Thank You! [750] Thank You! [751] Thank You! [752] Thank You! [753] Thank You! [754] Thank You! [755] Thank You! [756] Thank You! [757] Thank You! [758] Thank You! [759] Thank You! [760] Thank You! [761] Thank You! [762] Thank You! [763] Thank You! [764] Thank You! [765] Thank You! [766] Thank You! [767] Thank You! [768] Thank You! [769] Thank You! [770] Thank You! [771] Thank You! [772] Thank You! [773] Thank You! [774] Thank You! [775] Thank You! [776] Thank You! [777] Thank You! [778] Thank You! [779] Thank You! [780] Thank You! [781] Thank You! [782] Thank You! [783] Thank You! [784] Thank You! [785] Thank You! [786] Thank You! [787] Thank You! [788] Thank You! [789] Thank You! [790] Thank You! [791] Thank You! [792] Thank You! [793] Thank You! [794] Thank You! [795] Thank You! [796] Thank You! [797] Thank You! [798] Thank You! [799] Thank You! [800] Thank You! [801] Thank You! [802] Thank You! [803] Thank You! [804] Thank You! [805] Thank You! [806] Thank You! [807] Thank You! [808] Thank You! [809] Thank You! [810] Thank You! [811] Thank You! [812] Thank You! [813] Thank You! [814] Thank You! [815] Thank You! [816] Thank You! [817] Thank You! [818] Thank You! [819] Thank You! [820] Thank You! [821] Thank You! [822] Thank You! [823] Thank You! [824] Thank You! [825] Thank You! [826] Thank You! [827] Thank You! [828] Thank You! [829] Thank You! [830] Thank You! [831] Thank You! [832] Thank You! [833] Thank You! [834] Thank You! [835] Thank You! [836] Thank You! [837] Thank You! [838] Thank You! [839] Thank You! [840] Thank You! [841] Thank You! [842] Thank You! [843] Thank You! [844] Thank You! [845] Thank You! [846] Thank You! [847] Thank You! [848] Thank You! [849] Thank You! [850] Thank You! [851] Thank You! [852] Thank You! [853] Thank You! [854] Thank You! [855] Thank You! [856] Thank You! [857] Thank You! [858] Thank You! [859] Thank You! [860] Thank You! [861] Thank You! [862] Thank You! [863] Thank You! [864] Thank You! [865] Thank You! [866] Thank You! [867] Thank You! [868] Thank You! [869] Thank You! [870] Thank You! [871] Thank You! [872] Thank You! [873] Thank You! [874] Thank You! [875] Thank You! [876] Thank You! [877] Thank You! [878] Thank You! [879] Thank You! [880] Thank You! [881] Thank You! [882] Thank You! [883] Thank You! [884] Thank You! [885] Thank You! [886] Thank You! [887] Thank You! [888] Thank You! [889] Thank You! [890] Thank You! [891] Thank You! [892] Thank You! [893] Thank You! [894] Thank You! [895] Thank You! [896] Thank You! [897] Thank You! [898] Thank You! [899] Thank You! [900] Thank You! [901] Thank You! [902] Thank You! [903] Thank You! [904] Thank You! [905] Thank You! [906] Thank You! [907] Thank You! [908] Thank You! [909] Thank You! [910] Thank You! [911] Thank You! [912] Thank You! [913] Thank You! [914] Thank You! [915] Thank You! [916] Thank You! [917] Thank You! [918] Thank You! [919] Thank You! [920] Thank You! [921] Thank You! [922] Thank You! [923] Thank You! [924] Thank You! [925] Thank You! [926] Thank You! [927] Thank You! [928] Thank You! [929] Thank You! [930] Thank You! [931] Thank You! [932] Thank You! [933] Thank You! [934] Thank You! [935] Thank You! [936] Thank You! [937] Thank You! [938] Thank You! [939] Thank You! [940] Thank You! [941] Thank You! [942] Thank You! [943] Thank You! [944] Thank You! [945] Thank You! [946] Thank You! [947] Thank You! [948] Thank You! [949] Thank You! [950] Thank You! [951] Thank You! [952] Thank You! [953] Thank You! [954] Thank You! [955] Thank You! [956] Thank You! [957] Thank You! [958] Thank You! [959] Thank You! [960] Thank You! [961] Thank You! [962] Thank You! [963] Thank You! [964] Thank You! [965] Thank You! [966] Thank You! [967] Thank You! [968] Thank You! [969] Thank You! [970] Thank You! [971] Thank You! [972] Thank You! [973] Thank You! [974] Thank You! [975] Thank You! [976] Thank You! [977] Thank You! [978] Thank You! [979] Thank You! [980] Thank You! [981] Thank You! [982] Thank You! [983] Thank You! [984] Thank You! [985] Thank You! [986] Thank You! [987] Thank You! [988] Thank You! [989] Thank You! [990] Thank You! [991] Thank You! [992] Thank You! [993] Thank You! [994] Thank You! [995] Thank You! [996] Thank You! [997] Thank You! [998] Thank You! [999] Thank You! [1000]

You're all so fucking amazing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM!

This past year, my best bud Jim married his amazing and beautiful wife Caroline and today is his birthday. It's also my 999th post on TCRM, and since he's a huge influence on the site (heck, this image is inspired by his brilliant Danzig Facebook pic), I figured I'd dedicate this last trip-dig' to him.

Happy birthday jiiiiiimiiiiiii!

C Ya L8R, Sexting!

This week, Apple was awarded an patent for anti-sexting technology which will help parents prevent their children from participating in dangerous and inappropriate communications.

---

Melissa - I saw you in BC Calc today, and your sexy bod made my dick hard. I wanna fuck you so bad. You got sick tits!

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT RECEIVED

Melissa - I saw you in BC Calc today, and your bod was so beautiful, it made me think about having sex with you. Your breasts are exquisite.

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT RECEIVED

Melissa - I saw you in BC Calc today, and I was struck by your healthy proportions, so much that I'd hope you'd consider a consentual penetrative act. Your jugs are impressive.

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT RECEIVED

Melissa - I saw you in BC Calc today, and I'd like to a tangential line approaching your horizontal asymptote. Your sin curves above the y axis give me a boner.

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT RECEIVED

Melissa - I saw you in BC Calc today, and your genetic symmetry made me consider the natural beauty of the act of procreation. The slope of my unit increased 2x.

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT RECEIVED

Melissa - when you walked into BC Calc today, I prayed the automatic AC would turn on. Everyday, when you walk in, it's like everything is in slow motion and when the bell rings, my shirt is soaked with nervous sweat. Everyday after class, I have to peel a layer off! Well today, I looked the label on my drenched blue shirt: GAP. That's what I feel is between us, and that's what I want to end. Melissa, please let me take you on a date and show you the man I am.

THIS MESSAGE IS TOO LONG

M e l i s s a - L e t ' s F U C K ! ! ! ! !

SENT at 10:31 PM

Yo Mothafuckas, Listen Up!

I got a NEW favorite COLOR. And that fact might suprise all ay'all, but fuck, thats how this shit goes sometimes.

I'm You!

[The following piece is Rated R]

Christine O'Donnell, you fox. You've had a first date on a satanic altar, you're dad is an unlicensed Bozo the Clown (the Marginally Sane Posse?), and now, you're me! Or you're you... Just to clarify, in your vision of America, if I choose to illegally play with myself, does that mean I'm in fact having sex with you (me)? Nice, Josh. (I mean, Christine)

Part of me thinks we're being too hard on this woman, but the other part of me thinks that maybe we've all agreed that the Senate is sortof innately a joke (Delaware has as much representation as California, which empirically makes no sense). Instead maybe the job has turned into an electable anthropomorphized "Hey, Fuck YOU!" If Christine O'Donnell is elected isn't that basically the message to the establishment? What else does a senator need to do? Unless of course, you're Olympia Snowe, in which case you jerk off the other side just long enough to get them excited and then run off.

So, Christine O'Donnell, will you spend your days in the Senate pleasing yourself or pretending to jerk the rest of us off?

America's Monorail

The Simpsons 412

I recently rewatched The Simpsons season 4's "Marge vs. the Monorail" and was struck by its prescience.

The episode begins with the town of Springfield finds itself a surplus when government watchdogs discover Mr. Burns is hiding nuclear waste in a tree.

At a town meeting, the citizens gather to decide what to do with it. Marge's idea to rebuild the town's infrastructure -- the roads are full of potholes due to civil negligence -- is supported with cheers. But the support wanes when Lyle Lanley, a slick salesman, sells the town on a monorail through the power of a catchy tune.

"I hear those things are awfully loud..."
"It glides as softly as a cloud."
"Is there a chance the track could bend?"
"Not on your life, my Hindu friend."
"What about us brain-dead slobs?"
"You'll all be given cushy jobs."

Marge: "But Main Street's still all cracked and broken..."
Bart: "Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!"

Isn't this all strangely familiar? A salesman pitching a get-rich-quick scheme to economically weak town and muting the people's concern with catchy spin -- you'll all be given cushy jobs! -- all at the expense of less sexy community-benefitting proposals. Fix roads? Fuck that, make me rich! We're all culpable here -- Lyle Lanley didn't take Springfield hostage, the people wanted this. But without any leaders at the town meeting, decisions are left to the whims of mobs, mostly likely the same people who approved the "elevator to nowhere."

Marge's concerns lead her to North Haverbrook, one of Lyle's past accomplishments, past a billboard that reads "Where the monorail is king!" There she meets this woman (12:28)



She says "Go away! There ain't no monorail and there never was." Tea Party insanity.

When the monorail breaks down due to faulty wiring (or possibly intentional, the breaks are named "Seld-M-Break"), police Chief Wiggum gets dizzy watching the monorail drive out of control. He and the Mayor argue over responsibility -- while people's lives are endangered -- and they decide to solve it by finding an ancient town charter. But by the time they find it, they've lost all sight of why they are there -- they spend their time drooling over their entitlements (Wiggum gets a pig every month, as well, as "two comely lasses of virtue true").

We're still on a monorail out of control, desperate to find anchor. I just hope there's a donut big enough for us.