Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Big Mommas: There's A Point To All This!

I'm not going to write a piece about black men performing fat black women on the screen and stage. Frankly, I don't know enough history, and if you want to read up on the subject I'm sure there are plenty of better essays out there.

Instead I just need to get off my chest what's been grabbing my attention in these Big Mommas posters. When I first saw the billboard, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me - that because it's been five years since Big Momma's House 2 and 3D movies booming, this was the perfect moment for a Big Momma's House 3D, which actually seemed like a great use of the technology (in that it would be the first of the post-Avatar 3D movies to be so unself-consciously stupid, unlike Pirahnas 3D, which was self-parody).

Alas, not only was it not 3D, the studio has decided to drop the "House" all together in favor of doubling the amount of Mommas who are Big. In the poster shown above, the Original Big Momma, already in her fat suit, is knighting her (his?) younger, possibly BMILFier Momma with a sexier dress than Original Big Momma's Moo-Moo.

Let's not forget Big Momma's also has a subtitle, "Like Father, Like Son" - curious they didn't go with "Like Momma, Like Son" that would just be way too confusing.

Okay, so Martin Lawrence is for some reason making his son (or stepson, I've learned) wear a sexy dress, to his stepson's dismay.

But this is not what bothers me.

What I'm losing my mind about is the constant need in these posters to show Big Momma's FBI badge.

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It wasn't always this way. Consider Big Momma's House 2:

No badge. Back then I suppose it was obvious what kind of hijinx Big Momma might get into. I never saw it, but I bet there was a few dick jokes.

Now however, you won't see a poster without one. Even in France:

"What??" is right. But I'll tell you WHY you won't see a poster for this movie without the FBI badge. Better yet, I'll show you.

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"WHAT!!???!?!" is right, again! Give him an FBI badge, quick, or else what kind of movie is this?!? We need to know Big Momma is a Momma of the LAW, not some hallucinating sex trafficker.

Which, if you think about it, is a way more interesting movie. But not one that would make the top 10 gender-bending movie box office list (spoiler: Robin WIlliams has two in the top three, grossing one-third of a billion dollars.)

(Also, not very shocking, the "Fat Suit" category has much higher grosses - the top 10 movies grossed a total of $1.5 Billion dollars, which does NOT include DVD Sales)

And THAT, ladies and germs, is why this Honky Grandma Be Trippin.'

Honky Grandma Be Trippin'
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