Albert Brooks Doing Improv

From "Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World."

Seinfeld Recut: "George"

Some Classic Insane Clown Posse Quotes From NYT's Oral History

NYT did an oral history of the recent Juggalo/ICP craze. Here are some great moments...

III. Miracles

The video for “Miracles,” a song from the Insane Clown Posse album “Bang! Pow! Boom!” (Psychopathic Records), in which the band celebrates the wonderment of everyday life in occasionally profane style, was released on April 6.

VIOLENT J When we’re talking to the Juggalos, it’s not always about chop-chop, kill-’em-up, you know? I guess some of it might come from having kids over the last five years, looking at everything from that perspective. I mean, a rainbow can be explained. But who doesn’t say, “Wow, look at the rainbow?”

IV. How Magnets Work; Also, Giraffes

In days “Miracles” generated numerous imitators and detractors; in some video responses listeners attempted to unpack the song’s awestruck lyrics.

VIOLENT J I think we might have misused the word miracle. These things we mentioned in the song, they can all be explained. But what we’re doing is appreciating them. Even the infamous line “Magnets, how do they work?” I mean, yeah, we know how magnets work. But they’re still incredible. You can push something across the table without touching it.

SHAGGY 2 DOPE Come on, man. The North and South Pole makes a rock magnetic, and if you touch a piece of metal with it, that becomes magnetic? That’s crazy.

VIOLENT J I grew up in Detroit. We don’t have pelicans on every corner. We don’t have giraffes walking down the street. I’d rather be the dumbed-down guy appreciating everything than the guy who knows everything and doesn’t appreciate [anything].

V. Thrilla Killa Klownz

A “Saturday Night Live” parody of “Miracles,” featuring the cast’s Bobby Moynihan and the guest host Ryan Phillippe as a rap duo called the Thrilla Killa Klownz, was shown this month. Meanwhile, Insane Clown Posse’s official YouTube post of the “Miracles” video has been viewed more than 1.4 million times.

VIOLENT J Two clowns floating around in space, swearing, rapping about wonderful things. I get that that’s funny to an outsider.

SHAGGY 2 DOPE I remember back in the day when Weird Al Yankovic did “Amish Paradise,” off Coolio’s “Gangsta Paradise.” Somehow Coolio got mad. If Weird Al wanted to do one of our songs, I’d be like, “Hell yeah.”

Alvy and Singer

a Life Magazine photo of Woody and Michael at Studio 54 from 1977. (Reportedly, Allen had been turned away on the club's opening night.)

Cold Steel: A Medieval "Will It Blend?"

A roomwrecker

"If you're strong enough to wield the great sword, it's an enormous advantage in any fight. This thing is a roomwrecker, uh, yardwrecker, a streetwrecker..."

The Greatest Pun Of All Time

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Top 10 moment of Colbert Report... wait for it!

Kobe Bryant Fans

Nights On Broadway

I'm dedicating this one to future NYC transplant, the big Karl (unless "The Big Karl" is a sex act, which I'm definitely not honoring yet).

The Cookie-Cracker Culture War: IT BEGINS.

Quote of the year comes from Revolution Muslim, the group responsible for veiled threats against South Park. Americans are too stupid to understand oppression because we are:

"Darwinist faggots who are as despicable as the rest, walking around eating your Triscuits."

the next generation of evil

when pressed why Triscuits...

"It doesn't matter what your favorite crackers or cookies are. They are not more important than the hegemonic wars the West is fighting against Islam."

understatement of the year, too.

Late Update:

It occurred to me there is hope in this culture war: the graham cracker. And what is the best use of graham crackers? Creating the most delicious sandwich ever known to man: the s'more.

We need to sit down at a campfire with these assholes, make 'em a s'more, and tell them ghost stories. Until they're ready to accept that invitation...

....Stack ya' grahams 'til they get sky hiiiiiiigh!

Full Tub!

This show became dangerously close to being explicit.

Drunk Girls

It took this video to win me over.

Coachella's PR Campaign

Coachella's not just about getting wasted... it's about recording other wasted people, too! (video link here)

War Really Is Coming To South Park

Forget the radical Muslim threats, it's Ginger children who are gonna burn this sucker down.

Mighty Morphin Power LOST

Why did it take me this long to figure this out?

Unfortunately, we don't know exactly who John Locke is.

Pope And Loving It

This Huffpost link reminded me of my favorite trainwreck:

More Milhouse

It's just one of those weekends. (I didn't make this)

Fuzzy Pictures From Coachella (Day One and Two)

Don't blame me for the out of focus pictures - blame the asshole who stole/destroyed/threw out my glasses, who made me BELIEVE they were in focus.

A worthless 8 second video, except I'm on stage during Jay Z.

Milhouse For A Weekend

Pretty accurate, except I'm always wearing sunglasses. Thank you, Mahoney.

Who Needs Problem Solving Skills When You Have Angelfire?

Thanks for the help, Karen's Angelfire website!

Pavement

I'm extremely excited about seeing Pavement for my first time this weekend at Coachella. Hell, I decided to work for the festival just so I could possibly get on stage. Of course, I'm suffering a Twilight Zone ironic twist: I lost my glasses on the first day.

"That's not fair. That's not fair at all!"

I'll try not to let this bum me out. From Rob Sheffield's "Love is a Mix Tape" about Pavement's first concert:

The night of the show, the floor was abuzz with anticipation. None of us in the crowd knew what Pavement looked like, or even who was in the band. They put out mysterious seven-inch singles without any band info or photos, just credits for instruments like "guitar slug," "psued-piano gritt-gitt," "keybored," "chime scheme," and "last crash simbiosis." We assumed that they were manly and jaded, that they would stare at the floor and make abstract boy noise. That would be a good night out.

Royal Trux went on a few hours late, which I'm sure had nothing to do with buying drugs in Richmond. They were great, like a scuzz-rock Katrina and the Waves. The peroxide girl in the football jersey jumped around and screamed while the boy with the scary home-cut bangs played his guitar and tried to stay out of her way. She threw a cymbal at him. We wanted to take them home for a bath, a hot meal, and a blood change.

But Pavement was nothing at all like we pictured them. They were a bunch of foxy dudes, and they were into it. As soon as they hit the stage, you could hear all the girls in the crowd ovulate in unison. There were five or six of them up there, some banging on guitars, some just clapping their hands or singing along. They did not stare at the floor. They were there to make some noise and have some fun. They had fuzz and feedback and unironically beautiful sha-la-la melodies. The bassist looked just like Renee's high school boyfriend. Stephen Malkmus leaned into the mike, furrowed his brows, and sang lyrics like, "I only really want you for your rock and roll" or "When I fuck you once it's never enough / When I fuck you two times it's always too much." The songs were all either fast or sad, because all songs should either be fast or sad. Some of the fast ones were sad, too.

Afterward, we staggered to the parking lot in total silence. When we got to the car, Renee spoke up in a mournful voice: "I don't think The Feelies are ever gonna be good enough again."

Our friend Joe in New York sent us a tape, a third-generation dub of the Pavement album Slanted and Enchanted. Renee and I decided this was our favorite tape of all time. The guitars were all boyish ache and shiver. The vocals were funny bad poetry sung through a Burger World drive-through mike. The melodies were full of surfer-boy serenity, dreaming through a haze of tape hiss and mysterious amp noise. This was the greatest band ever, obviously. And they didn't live twenty years ago, or ten years ago, or even five years ago. They were right now. They were ours.

I think about those days, and I think about a motto etched onto the sleeve of one of those Pavement singles: I AM MADE OF BLUE SKY AND HARD ROCK AND I WILL LIVE THIS WAY FOREVER.

CAT VS. IPAD!!!

HOMER VS. TIGER

AMAZING.

Where I'll Be For the Next 6 Days

I'm working at Coachella. I'm hoping it'll turn out like this.

Late Update: Mike Myers and Chris Farley are my gods.

Masterpieces in 3D

i think this is to promote 3D tvs.

Writing: The Process of Writing!

Lately, I've been having a little trouble writing in LA. My ideas haven't been working out, I keep losing focus on what I want to write, and the lack of output prevents anything from happening. So for anyone else struggling, here is some advice.

Writing in a Coffee Shop

Fantasy: "Yeah, I like to write at a coffee shop. I know the barista who works behind the counter, who's pretty cute. I wonder if she's into me? But I just love being around the people, you know? Overhearing the gossip, smoking cigarettes with strangers, makin' contacts, know what I mean? Plus, if I don't get my coffee, I can't get anything done.

Reality: "Yeah, I like to write at a coffee shop. I wonder if the barista is pissed that I don't tip her everyday. I mean, really, do I need to tip everyday? I give her like 50 dollars of business a week - more than that if I get a cookie everyday. Okay, I'm not giving her business, but shouldn't my frequent patronage be reflected in her paycheck somehow? It's not like I'm enjoying those crappy sandwiches."

"Furthermore, why aren't other customers realizing how brilliant I am? I'm there everyday, so obviously someone must be catching on that this new hot writer has decided to make this cafe his place. 'Hey, who's that unshaven guy with the cardigan with the tuna fish bagel? You know, the one who's always on Facebook?"

"Ugh, maybe I should find a cafe with no internet. Why do you need the internet, Josh? All you need are the brilliant ideas shaking around your overcaffeinated brain. Seriously, why don't you change to iced tea? Or decaf maybe?"

"Oh, it's 5 o'clock, better head home with enough time to go for a run. Actually, fuck that, Gilmore Girls is on."

Writing in Your Room

Fantasy: "Fuck the coffee shop! I can save money by making my own coffee at home and making turkey sandwiches. I got this great $20 desk at Ikea, with an acceptable plastic-base seat ($7) and that kooky Ikea chair ($90 - I splurged). C'mon Josh - you made yourself a workspace - now all the ideas can flow out of you like diarrhea... hehe that's funny! You're doing it Josh! You don't need strangers around, stealing your ideas from over your shoulder while you worry about tipping the barista."

Reality: "Fuck the coffee shop! I wonder if she misses me though... Seriously, there's like a little chemistry there, right?"

"God, I'm seriously writing 3 feet from where I shit. That can't be good, right? Maybe that's why I made that diarrhea joke. Fuck, am I just thinking shit all the time? Maybe I've been inhaling my own microscopic shit flakes and they are literally swimming around my brain right now. 'Ideas can flow out of you like diarrhea?' Try saying that out loud before you think it's funny.

"I made the coffee too strong again."

"It's quiet in here - I need some white noise. I know, I'll put the t.v. on in the other room. Hmm what channel..."

"Time for lunch! Let's see, I have... a pound of turkey and cans of tuna. C'mon Josh, buy some friggin' vegetables. Fuck this, I'll drive three blocks to Subway."

Writing in the Living Room

Fantasy: "I'm not a desk guy. Desks were where I spent my entire life. I'll sit on my couch, be comfortable, and write something GENIUS. And then I'll never throw that couch away."

Reality: "So lonely. God, my blog is just fake trailers."

This Blog Has Become Too Trailer Oriented: A Teaser For Star Wars Uncut

Star Wars Uncut "The Escape" from Casey Pugh on Vimeo.

This is a collaborative sweded-recut of Star Wars, and they just finished it! Here's a fun teaser for it.

Ong Bak 3

Fuck yes. More elbows!

Pixels

It's pretty much impossible to not like this.

Uber-Morlocks: Telepaths of Tiiiiime

I stumbled across the 2002 film "The Time Machine" today and was gripped by whatever the fuck you're looking at.

According to Wikipedia...

There he meets an intelligent, humanoid Über-Morlock (Jeremy Irons), who explains that Morlocks are the evolutionary descendants of the humans who stayed underground after the Moon broke apart, while Eloi are evolved from those who remained on the surface. Über-Morlocks are a caste of telepaths who rule the monsters that prey on Eloi.

This is the "Eloi" and not as awesome.

Meanwhile, the Morlocks have brought the time machine underground. After the Über-Morlock explains that Alexander cannot alter Emma's fate because her death is what drove him to build the time machine in the first place, Alexander gets into the machine to return home. However, he suddenly pulls the Über-Morlock into the machine, which carries them into the future as they fight. The Über-Morlock dies by rapidly aging when Alexander pushes him outside of the machine's temporal sphere. Alexander then stops in the year 635,427,810, revealing a harsh, rust-colored sky over a wasteland of Morlock caves.

Über-Morlocks!

PAC-MAN: The Movie

PACMAN: THE MOVIE TRAILER from Therefore Productions on Vimeo.

IS DIS REAL?

David from "David After Dentist" must've figured out YouTube comments.