Goodbye Silver Jews

I just got really sad realizing that this really could be the end of the Silver Jews tonight. You gave us some incredible songs, some beautiful albums, and yet I still feel robbed.

Here's hoping you have a great show tonight (and that there will be plenty of people ready to record it). Thanks for everything!

Top 5 Silver Jews Songs...

1. Random Rules
2. People
3. The Wild Kindness
4. Black and Brown Blues
5. I can't even do this.... there are too many I don't want to leave off....

Advice to Bernie Madoff Regarding House Arrest From An Unemployed 23 Year Old

Bernie Madoff is being charged for securities fraud, allegedly running the largest Ponzi scheme ever with up to $50 billion in liabilities. While waiting for indictment, he's being held under house arrest in his $7 million apartment on the Upper East Side.

I've been unemployed since finishing an internship at Talking Points Memo in mid-December. The cold weather and general apathy to venture outside during those days gave me a pretty great regimen that I think Mr. Madoff might find really helpful.

10 am: Hit the snooze button, the first of maybe four times. Wake up sometime in between 10 and 11. There's not much to do before those hours, and I'm sure you don't want to watch The Today Show parade around crybabies who are pissed off with you. Matt Lauer - what's his deal? Is he supposed to be like my friendly neighbor? Fuck that guy.

Sometime Before 11 am: Take a shower. You don't need to shave... you're not going anywhere! Dry off, put your underwear on... Holy shit!! Is it already 10:59??

11 am: Gilmore Girls on ABC Family. It's on in HD too, if you have that. Right now we're at the end of Season 2 so let me fill you in: Lorelai and Rory are mother and daughter, Lorelai had a falling out with her parents when she was pregnant with Rory but Lorelai needed money to pay for Rory's private school so she can go to Harvard so she asked her mother. Rory started dating Dean, but in season 2 Dean became an overbearing insecure idiot, and now she's sorta into Jess, because he's dangerous.

After the titles for the show, run and get your cereal bowl and... crap... fucking ay Jim did you drink all the milk? Why did you bother to leave just a drop? How long do eggs stay fresh? These are sorta old... only one way to find out... perfect!

The trick is to cook the eggs on a low heat, and throw some bread in the toaster! And guess what: Jim left you a drop of milk that you can use in your eggs, so everyone's a winner.

11:10 am: Crap... All this cooking made me miss the first few lines of Gilmore Girls. Well fine, its an acceptable casualty, especially since you caught this episode last night at 5 pm (see 5 pm)

11:59 am: I know, Gilmore Girls is incredible... what the fuck am I gonna do for the rest of the--

12:00 pm: Oh Full House on ABC Family. That show was pretty charming... I wonder if it felt incredibly corny at the time. I'm pretty sure it didn't. Also, why did I think DJ was so hot? I was a very forgiving 6 year-old.

12:08 pm: Yes, you have seen probably 50 ads for The Secret Life of the American Teenager (which is either an artless rip off of Gilmore Girls or brilliantly capitalizing on the drama of Bristol and Levi) and probably 50 more for Kyle XY (Bernie, if you're wondering, its about a kid with no belly button...see).

1:00 pm: Turn it off turn it off! Damon Wayans's "My Wife & Kids." I agree, Bernie, a sitcom based on your life would be a way more interesting show with a title like "My Wife & Kids." This is the beginning of a bad block of T.V. so you might want to switch over to your Google Reader RSS. You don't have one?? It's awesome, it's like... instead of going to all your favorite blogs you just go here. Oh and to skip articles just keep pressing "J" and to go back "K" - I know, it's pretty sweet.

Oh who won the Knicks game last night? Look, Bernie, I'm sure courtside seats were nice back when you were on top, but now you're gonna have to watch in HD - it's really not that bad. In fact, I sorta prefer it! Did you TiVo it? You should totally do that. Okay next time. Let's see the blogs... David Lee snubbed from All Star Game! Look at what he said...

“It was disappointing. It would’ve been a really cool experience, but the guys that got in were all very deserving.,” Lee said. “All those guys are tremendous players and it’s great to even be mentioned in that group or to be in the conversation.”

Listen to his humility! What do you think Bernie? I think he could be Jewish... I mean that curly hair of his! And that work ethic... sometimes I feel like I'm watching a young Lennie Rosenbluth! I agree, if he wants to be anything in this world, he should drop that sweet young man act and start sharpening his elbows.

Other blogs to check:

New York Magazine's Vulture - Oh man they totally NAILED Ben Silverman today... why do we care again?
Gizmodo - Neat! New HD video cameras. The future looks awesome.
The Onion - Oh man this is too funny, I have to share this with someone.
Pitchfork - The Decemberists released their album art? I gotta see this.

Feel free to walk away from your T.V. too... you just started that book why don't you pick it up? Okay I'll just lie down and read... a little... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz



4:45 pm: How long was I out for? Awesome 15 minutes until Gilmore Girls is on again... it's the next episode so you can really catch on pretty quick, but I really recommend starting from the beginning. Get some cookies... why not! Don't you get it? YOUR BREAKFAST WAS REALLY YOUR LUNCH! You totally just saved some dough, bro!

5:00 pm: Ahhhhh finally... a FRESH episode of Gilmore Girls... Yeah you'll definitely want to catch this again tomorrow.

6:00 pm: Okay now time to think about dinner. DONE! Just reheat yesterday's spaghetti. It's a forgettable meal, but I think Hashem and your judge might appreciate it.

7:oo pm: Best block of T.V. coming up... let's say it's Thursday, you could either do the News Hour (trust me, Bernie, they will be a little easier on you, than let's say, the thousands of people you've ruined), or you can take it easy with The Simpsons and Seinfeld and then catch 8 pm repeat of Daily Show/Colbert Report, and THEN catch a new episode of The Office and 30 Rock.

9:00 pm: Watch a movie bro! You did it, you got through the day! Oh I recommend a Roku - you can watch any of Netflix's OnDemand movies instantly on your t.v.! It's great, you can read up on it when you check your blogs tomorrow. Eat some cookies with ice cream (go for the cheap stuff).


See Bernie? You don't need to go outside. Enjoy your house arrest!

Bringin' Ong Bak

Thank you, Big Picture, for showing me everything I want to be right now.... IWANTMYELEPHANT.

Silver Jews Play Last Show This Weekend

I knew it was being held in a cave... I didn't know it would look this awesome.

Batman Doesn't Discriminate: He Kills Everything

Now just over a year since The Joker died, we've seen the passing of Catwoman and Commissioner Gordon. Now, bats themselves are mysteriously disappearing.

Batman! Chill the fuck out!

Add "Politics" Gadgets to Your iGoogle Homepage

Yawn

Hey Clarence Thomas, take a nap, whydontcha?

Modern Jackass Magasin's "Barackalypse Now: Inauguration Aftermath"

hilarious!

Watchmen Promo: omgomgomg

NBS Nightly News with Ted Philips, March 11th 1970

The T-Mobile Dance

so much dance

Noah Baumbach: Kicking & Drinking

I really, really.... really loved Noah Baumbach's piece in this week's Shouts & Murmurs.

Big Picture's Inauguration Pics

Residents of Kibera, one of the poorest quarters in Nairobi gather to watch the inauguration ceremony of US President Barack Obama in Nairobi on January 20, 2009. (YASUYOSHI CHIBA/AFP/Getty Images)


I will post mine soon, but make sure to check Big Picture out.

Mascarita Dorada: Wrestlepocalypse Wants You!!!

this is sick!!!

NBA Thoughts: Lakers Get Scary

From AP...

"Bynum scored a career-high 42 points, Kobe Bryant had his second triple-double in three games and the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Clippers 108-97 Wednesday night."

thats the first time I got genuinely scared of the lakers this season. bynum isn't even their 2nd option!

Jerryd Bayless's Two Handed Jam, And I Mean JAM

this is dope!

Conan Just Dunked! [a semi-live-blog]

A TCRM theme month? Conan The Barbarian, Conan O'Brien retrospect, and now Conan O'Brien dunks!

[this spot reserved for that video, which I totally intend on getting]

Also this was sorta funny... the difference between Google Image searching "Conan"and "Conan O'Brien"...



12:53 AM: Conan starts doing new state commerative quarters.... I hate this bit. Please retire this and Michael Jackson jokes.

The Impending End Of Late Night With CO'B

Today I learned that Conan will be leaving Late Night on February 20th. Now I won't pretend that I'm the biggest fan of Conan, and I've been pretty hard on him in the past few years. But I'm sure we all have some of our favorite Conan segments, so I want to encourage you to send in YOUR FAVORITE CONAN SKETCHES.

[ed. note: what I didn't realize when I started this was that this search would become a journey through every type of web video software. really some of these i've never heard of]

Some of my favorites...

Old Time Baseball

Conan Old Time Baseball




Seinfeld Auditions: Corn Nuts



Walker, Texas Ranger Lever



Triumph vs. Star Wars Nerds

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog - Star Wars
by ZaraV

Shatner Secrets (not my favorite)



In The Year 2000



Of Course, Masturbating Bear



Horny Manatee

Houses and streets in bustling Las Vegas

As always, from The Big Picture.

Malkmus on Fantasy Hoops

"Off the top of my head I'd skip Melo, Baron, Garnett, Artest, Yao, Kobe, Pau, Boozer, Vince Carter, Marion, Brad Miller, Zach Randolph and Jason Kidd if at all possible. Those cats are not my bag." [link]

"Best Day Of My Life"

So much happy! AND ON HIS BIRTHDAY!

Why Was Arrested Development Cancelled?

OMFG: Songsmith + DLR

thanks alex, via Gizmodo.... this link is a doozy.

Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds - There She Goes, My Beautiful World

There She Goes, My Beautiful World - Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds

Do yourself a favor and listen to this song from Abbatoir Blues.

Who Is Editing NYT's Arts Section??

From nytimes...

The System - You Are In My System

The background is the same background of my gmail!!!

Even Sharks Get Christmas Presents

Did I mention I love The Big Picture. And why not... I love this picture equally....

Awesome New Obama Pics

more pics are here but this is the best

Microsoft Songsmith Ad

again, thanks (?) to Jim on this one... this ad is like someone vomiting into your ears.

"Microsoft, huh? So it's pretty easy to use?"

this ad literally is the Shiva of art.

also...

this guy looks like he's on crystal meth.

A Cappella Group Sings Animal Collective's "Leaf House"

okay okay it's pretty cute.

That Crazy Hamburger

1980's wendys training video is that crazy rap music. best part is 2:04.

The Buzz

Late this night, a really awful Trojan "Vibrating Touch" commercial came on TV and featured two women talking about this ad they've found in a magazine while an old lady eavesdrops on their conversation...Really, the first thing I thought of is my favorite Onion spoof of The New York Times Magazine...

But I also loved how much the old lady rolled her eyes in the video...

Rain In Training (Ninja Assassin Stunt Training)

Rain's performance in Speed Racer was so impressive, they decided to base an entire movie on his martial arts skills. Here is the training video.

Deer Butt Alien Heads

Gotta give props to Jim on this one.

This guy converts deer's asses into alien heads. Pretty weird shit...

Let The Animal Collective Mashups Begin! (sigh?)

This is a mashup of Frankie Knuckles and Animal Collective's "My Girls" and its pretty fun.

FRANKIE KNUCKLES - Your Love ( TRAX RECORDS )

I guess Animal Collective "My Girls" pays homage to this song.

Southern Mother's On Front Page of NYMag

Nice job guys!

CNN's Sanjay Gupta to be Surgeon General?

Okay, whatever you think about this, read this passage from wpost....

His role as journalist and physician have sometimes overlapped. During the 2003 Iraq invasion, Gupta was embedded with a Navy unit called Devil Docs and, while covering its mission, performed brain surgery five times, the first of which was on a 2-year-old Iraqi boy.

Fuck that's awesome.

Sexy Sexy Slugs

this is the most romantic thing I've seen since Wall-E (thanks kotke)

Dear Gossip Girl - Southern Mothers ft. Matt Pearson

So awesome!

He Strikes Again!

Pat Hingle, best known as Commissioner Gordon from the Batman movies, has died.

The Joker.
Catwoman.
Commissioner Gordon.
Almost Luscious Fox.

Holy F'ing Shit, Batman. Cool the fuck down.

NOW!!! We Can Look Ahead

from The Big Picture, as always.

WAIT!!! Song To Cap Off 2008

I always used to end parties with Beck's "Debra" - this usually meant while the party has been great, it's time for y'all to scram, but okay fine one more song.