The Happening 2

No, there will never be a sequel to M. Night's most honest movie. But after watching it for my second time last night, it's definitely got the goods to deliver a sequel TCRM post.

I say this without any irony or sarcasm: The Happening is about the dumbest people in the world evading Rapture/terrorist attack/M Night's imagination (not sure which is most evil-spirited).

Let's take the movie premise seriously for a second. There's an airborn toxin causing people to kill themselves. What would you do?

1) Panic.
2) Cover my mouth/nose.
3) Think quickly.

No one in this movie does any of these things. On a train escaping Philadelphia, people sit and chat casually. No one (no one!!) even ties a bandana around his or her face. I'm not saying Mark Wahlberg should have jumped into a hazmat suit that he magically stumbles upon (like he does with a radio in the middle of a field -- and to be fair he is a fucking high school science teacher, he should have some equipment), but c'mon, try breathing less!

Can science really explain what happens when you smoke Crystal Meth?

Then there's thinking quickly. EVERYONE THERE'S POISON GAS COMING OUR WAY! Your wife and the child you are caring for are ready to follow your lead. What do you do?

"I need a second okay? Just give me a second!....Just a second! I need a second okay? Why can't anybody give me a goddamn second? All right, be scientific, douchebag. Identify the... rules... design the experiment... careful observation, measurements, that's what I'm trying to do, interpret the experimental pattern, interpret... What if it IS the plants? That group was larger than ours. This thing's been escalating all day. Smaller and smaller populations have been setting this off. They react to human stimulus. Maybe people are setting off the plants?"

This is like standing underneath the Twin Towers as the second plane hit and pondering out loud.

"Okay, so a plane hit the tower. Now another plane hit the other tower. What if other planes are going to hit other towers? Okay, design the experiment. Careful observation, measurements. What if the buildings are asking to get hit by planes? Maybe the buildings are reacting to being buildings? Maybe planes are flying into buildings?"

If your wife and child are killed because you made them listen to you think out loud, can you be charged with being criminally stupid?

Way more to say on this, but I'll leave it at that.