Lately, I've been having a little trouble writing in LA. My ideas haven't been working out, I keep losing focus on what I want to write, and the lack of output prevents anything from happening. So for anyone else struggling, here is some advice.
Writing in a Coffee Shop
Fantasy: "Yeah, I like to write at a coffee shop. I know the barista who works behind the counter, who's pretty cute. I wonder if she's into me? But I just love being around the people, you know? Overhearing the gossip, smoking cigarettes with strangers, makin' contacts, know what I mean? Plus, if I don't get my coffee, I can't get anything done.
Reality: "Yeah, I like to write at a coffee shop. I wonder if the barista is pissed that I don't tip her everyday. I mean, really, do I need to tip everyday? I give her like 50 dollars of business a week - more than that if I get a cookie everyday. Okay, I'm not giving her business, but shouldn't my frequent patronage be reflected in her paycheck somehow? It's not like I'm enjoying those crappy sandwiches."
"Furthermore, why aren't other customers realizing how brilliant I am? I'm there everyday, so obviously someone must be catching on that this new hot writer has decided to make this cafe his place. 'Hey, who's that unshaven guy with the cardigan with the tuna fish bagel? You know, the one who's always on Facebook?"
"Ugh, maybe I should find a cafe with no internet. Why do you need the internet, Josh? All you need are the brilliant ideas shaking around your overcaffeinated brain. Seriously, why don't you change to iced tea? Or decaf maybe?"
"Oh, it's 5 o'clock, better head home with enough time to go for a run. Actually, fuck that, Gilmore Girls is on."
Writing in Your Room
Fantasy: "Fuck the coffee shop! I can save money by making my own coffee at home and making turkey sandwiches. I got this great $20 desk at Ikea, with an acceptable plastic-base seat ($7) and that kooky Ikea chair ($90 - I splurged). C'mon Josh - you made yourself a workspace - now all the ideas can flow out of you like diarrhea... hehe that's funny! You're doing it Josh! You don't need strangers around, stealing your ideas from over your shoulder while you worry about tipping the barista."
Reality: "Fuck the coffee shop! I wonder if she misses me though... Seriously, there's like a little chemistry there, right?"
"God, I'm seriously writing 3 feet from where I shit. That can't be good, right? Maybe that's why I made that diarrhea joke. Fuck, am I just thinking shit all the time? Maybe I've been inhaling my own microscopic shit flakes and they are literally swimming around my brain right now. 'Ideas can flow out of you like diarrhea?' Try saying that out loud before you think it's funny.
"I made the coffee too strong again."
"It's quiet in here - I need some white noise. I know, I'll put the t.v. on in the other room. Hmm what channel..."
"Time for lunch! Let's see, I have... a pound of turkey and cans of tuna. C'mon Josh, buy some friggin' vegetables. Fuck this, I'll drive three blocks to Subway."
Writing in the Living Room
Fantasy: "I'm not a desk guy. Desks were where I spent my entire life. I'll sit on my couch, be comfortable, and write something GENIUS. And then I'll never throw that couch away."
Reality: "So lonely. God, my blog is just fake trailers."
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